“One In A Million” Treatment
The studies have led the network news, stating the fact that one in 150 children are diagnosed with autism. This is a startling fact taken at it’s face, and as a parent, shortly after counting fingers and toes, you quickly turn your concerns to less visible worries about your newly born child. With Asperger’s syndrome, it takes a while before you can notice. The milestones are reached. Height and weight are average. She starts to walk and talk on time. Then one day you notice that your child is running in circles for hours, clockwise only, on end. You get out the video camera, because it’s darn near the cutest thing you’ve ever seen. A few days later, your friends notice the running in circles, they think it’s cute too. Oddly enough, the direction of her running is always clockwise in pattern. A joke is made about “What would happen if we took her to South America? Would she turn around and run counterclockwise?”. She never feels pain when she bumps into walls. She’s a kid, and that’s just what kids do, you think to yourself. As her speech develops, you notice that she refers to herself only in third person, you might even make up a name for it, “Bob-Dole-itis”. Only when she starts preschool do you start to question some of these things.
For my wife and I, our first parent teacher conference with Lucy’s teachers caught us unaware. Her teacher told us she never played with the other kids. She never looked her in the eye. All of her language were quotes from television shows she had seen, or from conversations months prior. She suggested “early intervention”, and speech classes. In otherwords, her teachers did everything they could legally, except specifically tell us the exact words that they thought Lucy had autism - words that under the current law, teachers are not allowed to utter - the reasons for which we plan to explore. Had it not been for Jen’s mother, Doris, a retired special needs teacher and administrator, who was able to translate exactly what Lucy’s teachers were saying, we might not have understood - although we did have our own suspicions. That said, even with the years of close work with special needs children under her belt, Doris did not believe there was anything to Lucy possibly being austistic - Lucy is an empathetic child, and the baseline child on the autism spectrum supposedly has no empathy. Lucy was not autistic, she said, no way - no how. These words did not offer much in the way of comfort, as the more we learned abut autism, the more signs we noticed Lucy had.
Lucy’s pediatrician confirmed Doris’ position, he did not feel Lucy was autistic, she was too happy, too giving, however out of dilligence he suggested we take Lucy to a pediatric neurologist for a second opinion. The appointment we made was for early this past year, as the pediatric neurologist was booked two months out. We put our fears in the back of head, and as I imagine many parents would do if put in the similar situation, tried to forget about our concerns - operated as though our pediatrician’s diagnosis was the correct one, even though self-admittedly he didn’t have much in the way of expertise in autism - as I have recently found out, it’s not something they teach in medical school.
Months passed, and the appointment finally arrived. We had our list of symptoms prepared, and questions narrowed. The diagnosis process was observational, with the neurologist asking us to tell him why we were concerned that Lucy might have an autism spectrum disorder. Within an hour or so, he validated our concerns - he diagnosed her with Asperger’s Syndrome - the same learning disorder that we had learned about online, and of the known Autism Spectrum Disorders, most sounded like Lucy. Jen was crushed, and I was, oddly enough, relieved. It made sense of some of the questions we had. That feeling of relief was short lived however, based on the naive feeling of, if they have a name for it, they must know how to treat it. His suggested course of treatment - keep her in school, and sign her up for speech classes. That was it? That was all he could offer us? We had read of other treatment options - removing wheat and dairy from the diet, applied beahvior therapy, and the fact that this disorder can be treated - maximizing the quality of life for those on the autism spectrum. Somehow speech and school just didn’t sound like enough, and we were sure of one thing, we didn’t want her labeled as autistic through the school system - something she would carry through her entire school years.
This feeling of not knowing what to do was only compounded by lack of available information that had to do with raising a preschooler girl with Asperger’s - most of the available information is aimed at older children, and boys at that, with their symptoms being actually quite different that of girls. To put it bluntly, we felt we were up a creek without a paddle, knowing that if our intention was to help Lucy as best we possibly could as parents, we were going to have to forge our own trail. It is this feeling that I want to address with this film - what to do, and not to do after the diagnosis. A diagnosis of an autism spectrum disorder in a child is hard on a marraige - up to 80% of parents of autistic children get divorced. Our particular situation is compounded by the mental illnesses my wife and I contend with, myself with bipolar disorder, my wife with depression. Taken individually, these three disorders each pose a significant challenge to a household. Together, a it poses a balancing act that only a tight wire artist would dare embark upon. As a filmmaker, it makes for a set of a characters that not even your best screenwriters could fathom. Sometimes there are topics that you pick as a documentarian, and then there are topics that pick you.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
“One In A Million” Project Description - Latest Update
“One In A Million” Project Description
What is the project about?
The film is about autism in macro, although in particular High Functioning Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome, as told through the experiences of a 3 1/2 year old girl, named Lucy, daughter of Todd Mattson, one of the filmmakers submitting the proposal. Lucy was recently diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, itself one of the diagnosis's within the Autism Spectrum, and is at the very beginning of a course of treatment designed to help her using speech therapy/yoga, biomedical treatment at the cutting edge Austin based facility, the Thoughtful House, and by giving her parents the tools to help her in a way best suited to Lucy. The scope may be expanded to include other families with preschoolers on the autism spectrum, as to give light to the commonalities and differences from case to case, or may remain focused solely on Lucy, as to have a focal point in the story. Experts in the field, including the neurologist who first diagnosed Lucy, her doctors and others behind the creation of the Thoughtful House, along with her speech therapist, a Union representative whose daughter also has Asperger’s, not to mention Lucy’s parents, will likely be included to give a more complete picture of her story. She attends The Open Door Preschool - a preschool whose goal is inclusion of those with special needs, which will certainly need to be in the film, as interviews with her teachers will give an indication of what it was they saw in Lucy that made them reach out to her parents as concerned as they did. They will also note the difference certain changes have now made with Lucy, and her marked progress. If the scope remains strictly with Lucy, the intention will be to give an extremely personal story with resonance to the larger picture of autism.
What will it look like?
While it is anticipated that any documentary, especially one that relies on present tense events, may reveal the story to it’s filmmaker only as it proceeds, there are obviously sets of target images that can be turned into a core shot list, things to look for that will help flesh out the topic, and give resonance to intended meaning. One such example in the case of this movie might very well be what I have in mind for the very first scene, still pictures of Lucy, which slowly show her growing in inattention to the camera’s presence, starting with baby pictures, until pictures today - where most children would pause and smile, it is nearly impossible for her to even notice the camera’s presence - now all we have are blurry pictures, or looking off in the distance. It is dumb luck these days to capture an intentional smile from Lucy, which many parents take for granted in the professionally posed still photos of their children.
How will you do it?
Shot with a combination of Canon’s XH-A1, and the new consumer model HV20, in 1080i/1080P high definition video, 24P frame rate, along with some DVX-100 SD 24P and photographs interspersed throughout, the look of the film will straddle the line between a more modern day version of the VHS home video camera footage used in “Capturing The Friedmans”, by using the HV20 much in the same way - to record the moments in a “what you see is sorta what you get way” that a crew cannot and will not ever capture, private family moments, with an emphasis on positives of the day to day, and not just going for the easy target of an autistic meltdown, but simultaneously not shying away from including hard material, the tough moments that are in fact true. This is in diametric opposition to other films on the topic in my opinion, and as a filmmaker, it is clear why others have those choices, however, as a father, I feel the representation is skewed - and perhaps while raising awareness of autism, one of the side effects is the stereotype that those on the autism spectrum are all savants, exemplified by the “Raymond” in “Rain Man”, itself a rarity of those on the Autism Spectrum. It is my intention to give a more complete and rounded view, at the least in regards to a child with Asperger’s syndrome, which is sometimes regarded as being on the autism spectrum, and sometimes regarded as a wholly separate disorder, as it now is in the DSM-IV.
This more personal footage shot with the HV20 will be contrasted with a well lit sit-down interview, shot with the XH-A1, perhaps more like an Errol Morris film, in front of a black background - these interviews sometimes acting as narration for other accompanying images. This device will be used especially for retelling of events that there may not be any other documentary evidence of. In addition, any time a present event of significance is available, a doctor’s visit for instance, this will be filmed by a small crew of no more than two people with the XH-A1 using the best stabilization method available to the production. If necessary, given the circumstance, the crew may only be minimalized, as to have the smallest footprint possible - the least interference with the subject and the reality experienced. Returning to the pneumonic device, the method of driving the story forward, will consist only the of interview’s audio, and audio captured at the time of the image. There will be a music soundtrack for moments that will require it, produced by an as yet unnamed composer or group of composers.
Where did the idea come from?
As a documentary filmmaker, there are topics that you choose, and then there are topics that choose you - films you have no choice BUT to make. As both the father of a child on the autism spectrum, and a documentary filmmaker, there was no way this was not going to be the topic of my second film, not only for the benefit of others, but as means of healing for myself through artistic expression.
Why should you be the one to make it?
In my due diligence as a father, I have quickly aquatinted myself with the topic of autism in general, and Asperger’s in specific. This quick assimilation, a process nearly every parent of a child on the Autism spectrum goes through, has made me acutely aware of the lack of information about autistic and “Aspie” preschoolers, let alone autistic and “Aspie” preschooler girls, since the incidence/diagnosis rate is so much higher for boys than it is for girls. My parental research has made me aware on a regular basis of the under representation of girls, and especially preschool girls, in even the finest tomes written on the subject.
My partner in co-producing and co-directing this film, Doug La Rue, brings a complimentary skill set to the table, having an eye for fast paced edits, and tasteful use of VFX. His background in art, graphic design, video editing, along with magazine editing brings to the table certain storytelling styles that should enhance the visual and rhythmic flow of the film – opening up possibilities that otherwise I may not have even considered. Since the topic of film is such that I personally will have to be my own subject, bringing Doug on as a co-equal partner makes perfect sense – much in the same way a lawyer would not represent themselves in court, neither should I as a filmmaker expect to be both behind the documentary camera and in front of it simultaneously – and be able to give either my full attention as it will deserve alternately.
Who will see it?
The most obvious target audience are those families who has a loved one who is on the autism spectrum, especially those with Asperger’s. That said, the ultimate highest watermark for this film is to make a movie that is Oscar qualifying, and I am aware I will need at bare minimum to rent or purchase HD projectors, make multiple HD theatrical copies, have a great deal of advertising, and a one week qualifying run in a theater in New York or Los Angeles, along with a multi-city rollout. Due to new rules this rule regarding documentaries (requiring 15 cities instead of five) for an Oscar run, a distributor may need to be secured to complete this run. It is our intention to at least get it a third of the way there ourselves, making the film even more attractive to a distributor. Targets in conjunction with and likely previous to that extremely high standard, include film festivals, both larger (SXSW, Sundance, Tribeca), rounded out with submissions to more smaller film festivals as well - I would most certainly rather have the movie seen than not simply because of a set back in plans - This time out, I will have fully designed plans behind the plans, so if one does not pan out as expected, there will be another plan, fully implementable at the drop of a hat, waiting in the wings, a mistake I have made previously and will not ever want of repeating. This film will as airtight as humanly possible, with all i’s dotted, and t’s crossed, release forms signed for everything I can, so that I can shop it to broadcast, cable, and satellite outlets, utilizing every available resource of online marketing beforehand and during, and utilize online retail and rental outlets only when the time is right - after all other possible traditional avenues have been completely and thoroughly exhausted.
How will you finance it?
The film will be financed with personal funds ($3000), use of my own personal equipment (value of 5K-7K, or $275/day for camera, $325/day for Mac Pro), private donors (so far a pledge of an anticipated private donation of $10,000), private fundraisers (where I will give copies of my previous film, “Doolittle Raiders”, an animated documentary feature which I fully self-produced, to those who contribute $35 or more), and through grant monies. I am currently undecided as to whether I would want to partner with any autism organization, as to maintain the integrity of the film. The types of funders can influence the very nature of the work, if allowed, and I would prefer funders who care more about simply getting the message out, than the exact tenor of that message.
Why should this organization fund it?
Texas itself has one of the highest autism rates in the entire world, and Austin is home to much of the most cutting edge, and controversial work being done in the field. The Thoughtful House itself was started by Dr. Andrew Wakefield, the British doctor who a few years back put forth the hypothesis of a connection between the MMR and autism. My daughter attends his same practice, a patient of a Dr. Jepson, whose own son has autism.
How will the funds be used?
The TFPF funds being requested (15K), will be primarily be used to fund the majority of the post-production stage of the film (~10K), to cover a 10% contingency for the end of the production stage of the film (~2K), and the remainder (~3K) towards the purchase of a 1080P HD projector suitable for theatrical uses – the high definition method of digital delivery we are planning to use instead of a film print, a cost cutting measure that stands to save the production thousands of dollars on a whole, while still delivering the highest of theatrical standards.
What is the project about?
The film is about autism in macro, although in particular High Functioning Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome, as told through the experiences of a 3 1/2 year old girl, named Lucy, daughter of Todd Mattson, one of the filmmakers submitting the proposal. Lucy was recently diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, itself one of the diagnosis's within the Autism Spectrum, and is at the very beginning of a course of treatment designed to help her using speech therapy/yoga, biomedical treatment at the cutting edge Austin based facility, the Thoughtful House, and by giving her parents the tools to help her in a way best suited to Lucy. The scope may be expanded to include other families with preschoolers on the autism spectrum, as to give light to the commonalities and differences from case to case, or may remain focused solely on Lucy, as to have a focal point in the story. Experts in the field, including the neurologist who first diagnosed Lucy, her doctors and others behind the creation of the Thoughtful House, along with her speech therapist, a Union representative whose daughter also has Asperger’s, not to mention Lucy’s parents, will likely be included to give a more complete picture of her story. She attends The Open Door Preschool - a preschool whose goal is inclusion of those with special needs, which will certainly need to be in the film, as interviews with her teachers will give an indication of what it was they saw in Lucy that made them reach out to her parents as concerned as they did. They will also note the difference certain changes have now made with Lucy, and her marked progress. If the scope remains strictly with Lucy, the intention will be to give an extremely personal story with resonance to the larger picture of autism.
What will it look like?
While it is anticipated that any documentary, especially one that relies on present tense events, may reveal the story to it’s filmmaker only as it proceeds, there are obviously sets of target images that can be turned into a core shot list, things to look for that will help flesh out the topic, and give resonance to intended meaning. One such example in the case of this movie might very well be what I have in mind for the very first scene, still pictures of Lucy, which slowly show her growing in inattention to the camera’s presence, starting with baby pictures, until pictures today - where most children would pause and smile, it is nearly impossible for her to even notice the camera’s presence - now all we have are blurry pictures, or looking off in the distance. It is dumb luck these days to capture an intentional smile from Lucy, which many parents take for granted in the professionally posed still photos of their children.
How will you do it?
Shot with a combination of Canon’s XH-A1, and the new consumer model HV20, in 1080i/1080P high definition video, 24P frame rate, along with some DVX-100 SD 24P and photographs interspersed throughout, the look of the film will straddle the line between a more modern day version of the VHS home video camera footage used in “Capturing The Friedmans”, by using the HV20 much in the same way - to record the moments in a “what you see is sorta what you get way” that a crew cannot and will not ever capture, private family moments, with an emphasis on positives of the day to day, and not just going for the easy target of an autistic meltdown, but simultaneously not shying away from including hard material, the tough moments that are in fact true. This is in diametric opposition to other films on the topic in my opinion, and as a filmmaker, it is clear why others have those choices, however, as a father, I feel the representation is skewed - and perhaps while raising awareness of autism, one of the side effects is the stereotype that those on the autism spectrum are all savants, exemplified by the “Raymond” in “Rain Man”, itself a rarity of those on the Autism Spectrum. It is my intention to give a more complete and rounded view, at the least in regards to a child with Asperger’s syndrome, which is sometimes regarded as being on the autism spectrum, and sometimes regarded as a wholly separate disorder, as it now is in the DSM-IV.
This more personal footage shot with the HV20 will be contrasted with a well lit sit-down interview, shot with the XH-A1, perhaps more like an Errol Morris film, in front of a black background - these interviews sometimes acting as narration for other accompanying images. This device will be used especially for retelling of events that there may not be any other documentary evidence of. In addition, any time a present event of significance is available, a doctor’s visit for instance, this will be filmed by a small crew of no more than two people with the XH-A1 using the best stabilization method available to the production. If necessary, given the circumstance, the crew may only be minimalized, as to have the smallest footprint possible - the least interference with the subject and the reality experienced. Returning to the pneumonic device, the method of driving the story forward, will consist only the of interview’s audio, and audio captured at the time of the image. There will be a music soundtrack for moments that will require it, produced by an as yet unnamed composer or group of composers.
Where did the idea come from?
As a documentary filmmaker, there are topics that you choose, and then there are topics that choose you - films you have no choice BUT to make. As both the father of a child on the autism spectrum, and a documentary filmmaker, there was no way this was not going to be the topic of my second film, not only for the benefit of others, but as means of healing for myself through artistic expression.
Why should you be the one to make it?
In my due diligence as a father, I have quickly aquatinted myself with the topic of autism in general, and Asperger’s in specific. This quick assimilation, a process nearly every parent of a child on the Autism spectrum goes through, has made me acutely aware of the lack of information about autistic and “Aspie” preschoolers, let alone autistic and “Aspie” preschooler girls, since the incidence/diagnosis rate is so much higher for boys than it is for girls. My parental research has made me aware on a regular basis of the under representation of girls, and especially preschool girls, in even the finest tomes written on the subject.
My partner in co-producing and co-directing this film, Doug La Rue, brings a complimentary skill set to the table, having an eye for fast paced edits, and tasteful use of VFX. His background in art, graphic design, video editing, along with magazine editing brings to the table certain storytelling styles that should enhance the visual and rhythmic flow of the film – opening up possibilities that otherwise I may not have even considered. Since the topic of film is such that I personally will have to be my own subject, bringing Doug on as a co-equal partner makes perfect sense – much in the same way a lawyer would not represent themselves in court, neither should I as a filmmaker expect to be both behind the documentary camera and in front of it simultaneously – and be able to give either my full attention as it will deserve alternately.
Who will see it?
The most obvious target audience are those families who has a loved one who is on the autism spectrum, especially those with Asperger’s. That said, the ultimate highest watermark for this film is to make a movie that is Oscar qualifying, and I am aware I will need at bare minimum to rent or purchase HD projectors, make multiple HD theatrical copies, have a great deal of advertising, and a one week qualifying run in a theater in New York or Los Angeles, along with a multi-city rollout. Due to new rules this rule regarding documentaries (requiring 15 cities instead of five) for an Oscar run, a distributor may need to be secured to complete this run. It is our intention to at least get it a third of the way there ourselves, making the film even more attractive to a distributor. Targets in conjunction with and likely previous to that extremely high standard, include film festivals, both larger (SXSW, Sundance, Tribeca), rounded out with submissions to more smaller film festivals as well - I would most certainly rather have the movie seen than not simply because of a set back in plans - This time out, I will have fully designed plans behind the plans, so if one does not pan out as expected, there will be another plan, fully implementable at the drop of a hat, waiting in the wings, a mistake I have made previously and will not ever want of repeating. This film will as airtight as humanly possible, with all i’s dotted, and t’s crossed, release forms signed for everything I can, so that I can shop it to broadcast, cable, and satellite outlets, utilizing every available resource of online marketing beforehand and during, and utilize online retail and rental outlets only when the time is right - after all other possible traditional avenues have been completely and thoroughly exhausted.
How will you finance it?
The film will be financed with personal funds ($3000), use of my own personal equipment (value of 5K-7K, or $275/day for camera, $325/day for Mac Pro), private donors (so far a pledge of an anticipated private donation of $10,000), private fundraisers (where I will give copies of my previous film, “Doolittle Raiders”, an animated documentary feature which I fully self-produced, to those who contribute $35 or more), and through grant monies. I am currently undecided as to whether I would want to partner with any autism organization, as to maintain the integrity of the film. The types of funders can influence the very nature of the work, if allowed, and I would prefer funders who care more about simply getting the message out, than the exact tenor of that message.
Why should this organization fund it?
Texas itself has one of the highest autism rates in the entire world, and Austin is home to much of the most cutting edge, and controversial work being done in the field. The Thoughtful House itself was started by Dr. Andrew Wakefield, the British doctor who a few years back put forth the hypothesis of a connection between the MMR and autism. My daughter attends his same practice, a patient of a Dr. Jepson, whose own son has autism.
How will the funds be used?
The TFPF funds being requested (15K), will be primarily be used to fund the majority of the post-production stage of the film (~10K), to cover a 10% contingency for the end of the production stage of the film (~2K), and the remainder (~3K) towards the purchase of a 1080P HD projector suitable for theatrical uses – the high definition method of digital delivery we are planning to use instead of a film print, a cost cutting measure that stands to save the production thousands of dollars on a whole, while still delivering the highest of theatrical standards.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Meltdowns....
Many, but not all, parents of children on the autism spectrum know exactly what I'm talking about with that one word. These are the tantrum like states that a children with a PDD can work themselves into, where you're pretty much helpless as a parent - and it's more than all you can handle that to just to protect the child from injuring him or herself. Lucy had one last night, proceeded by one in the morning. For parents that have not witness one of these up close, sometimes it can take the form of a Linda Blair like bouncing to the floor, straight from scenes the Exorcist - Lucy will hurl herself into the air, only to land flat on her back on the ground - as if she were being hurled by an invisible force. From there she will bang her head into the ground repeatedly, all the while screaming at an increasingly higher pitch, accompanied by the same kind of increased volume. The hardest part as a parent is that, by the time these meltdowns have hit this stage, there's simply no amount of consoling that you can do to get your child out of this state - it no longer has ANYTHING to do with being "sad", and almost always has nothing to do with being "sad" or "angry" in the first place. Conversely it usually is brought on by factors that are beyond your average neurotypical's senses, it could simply be that the lights are too bright, or something seemingly benign like that. It could be as simple as, in the case of yesterday with Lucy, the natural chaos produced by moving around rooms of the house in order to paint.
The techniques to deal with these meltdowns are fairly primitive. The only one I've had moderately consistent (nothing works 100% of the time, of course) succcess with is firmly (but not too agresssively) grabbing her shoulders facing her, getting her to look into my eyes, and either suggesting that "it's okay", or asking "what is wrong, Lucy?". Rare is the time when she can actually answer the second question - and she sometimes looks back in my eyes and appears to wonder why I might be asking such a question in the first place. When successful, it's almost as if a light has been switched, and a meltdown stops immediately. When not successful, it will continue and mission number one becomes making sure she doesn't injure her head, cupping it from the backside - to put yourself between the walls, & floors where she might injure herself. On rare occassion, getting her to lie down, either on the couch or a bed (with her favorite pillow & blanket), might do the trick, and get her to finally self soothe herself out of it. For parents who have had, or been around, a colicky baby, that is the best analogy I can use to desribe it - except that the child is larger, has far more force of will, strength, and consolation is equally nearing impossible.
To change subjects slightly, I wish my HV20 had worked out of the box - I had to send it back to Canon for repair or outright replacement, something was wrong with the playback controls on the camera. Hope to have it back soon - yesterday would have made for a valuable lesson for new parents dealing with a child on the Autism Spectrum - that sometimes the best techniques you have are simply NO match for the trajectory of a meltdown. It has nothing to do with sadness, it is sensory overload, nothing more - and nothing less. Our next door neighbor was present for the meltdown in the night time, and even though she had seen one before, I don't think she had actually she one full boar like last night. It's hard to watch, there's no doubt, and I imagine it must be far worse to experience.
The techniques to deal with these meltdowns are fairly primitive. The only one I've had moderately consistent (nothing works 100% of the time, of course) succcess with is firmly (but not too agresssively) grabbing her shoulders facing her, getting her to look into my eyes, and either suggesting that "it's okay", or asking "what is wrong, Lucy?". Rare is the time when she can actually answer the second question - and she sometimes looks back in my eyes and appears to wonder why I might be asking such a question in the first place. When successful, it's almost as if a light has been switched, and a meltdown stops immediately. When not successful, it will continue and mission number one becomes making sure she doesn't injure her head, cupping it from the backside - to put yourself between the walls, & floors where she might injure herself. On rare occassion, getting her to lie down, either on the couch or a bed (with her favorite pillow & blanket), might do the trick, and get her to finally self soothe herself out of it. For parents who have had, or been around, a colicky baby, that is the best analogy I can use to desribe it - except that the child is larger, has far more force of will, strength, and consolation is equally nearing impossible.
To change subjects slightly, I wish my HV20 had worked out of the box - I had to send it back to Canon for repair or outright replacement, something was wrong with the playback controls on the camera. Hope to have it back soon - yesterday would have made for a valuable lesson for new parents dealing with a child on the Autism Spectrum - that sometimes the best techniques you have are simply NO match for the trajectory of a meltdown. It has nothing to do with sadness, it is sensory overload, nothing more - and nothing less. Our next door neighbor was present for the meltdown in the night time, and even though she had seen one before, I don't think she had actually she one full boar like last night. It's hard to watch, there's no doubt, and I imagine it must be far worse to experience.
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